I don’t know of anyone who really needs a Swiss Army knife but, then again, I don’t hang out with as many Boy Scouts as I should. But maybe if you had a Swiss Army knife with a bit more functionality, every person would want to take it with them everywhere they go. Enter the Hammacher Schlemmer multifunctional penknife, retailing for $1400. Features include:

Seven blades, three types of pliers, three golf tools (club face cleaner, shoe spike wrench, and divot repair tool), 25 flat- and Phillips-head screwdrivers and bits, saws, wrenches, and more. It also has a bicycle chain rivet setter, signal whistle, 12/20-gauge shotgun choke tube tool, combination fish scaler, hook disgorger, and line guide tool, cigar-cutting scissors, laser pointer, tire-tread gauge, toothpick, tweezers, and key ring.

Everyone said I’m crazy for looking for a way to scale my fish while fixing my bicycle chain’s rivets. Clearly these people need to start saying less nay and get on the boat of Inconveniently Sized 3-Pound Pocket Knives. Inconveniently Sized 3-Pound Pocket Knives: Just Effective Enough to Frustrate You for Hours.

[via, thanks Larry for the tip!]